18 November 2011

For you, Oren בשבילך - אורן יקר


(c) photo by khulud kh (2011)

Do you remember, Oren, how I used to hold your curly head and caress your shoulder as you bent low over the window to throw up?

Do you remember, Oren, when I used to lay on your bed – naked.
And you would sit on the floor with a piece of charcoal in your hand.
And you would draw me – naked.

Then, when you finished your masterpiece, we would both look at it for a while – before you shred it into pieces – beautiful art for the sake of art, to be discarded.

I wrote you poems, and you just laughed them away and graded them.

Then, one day, we stood at the top of the stairs, and you told me: “I will push you down these stairs.” And you almost did.
That day, you also told me, “If you leave me, I will kill myself.”

And then I left – all the way to the other side of the world.

And when I came back, I wanted to see your face, run my fingers through your curls, just this one more time, before I go on.

I dialed the number, etched into my bones.
Olivia answered.
I asked, “Can I speak to Oren?”
Silence on the other side. Then, a shocked voice dripping with agony, “Who is this?”
“It’s me,…”
“Oren is gone.”
I wanted to ask when will he be back, and could she please tell him that I called… but then… the agony in her voice enveloped me, and I understood. Oren is gone. Gone.

“If you leave me, I will kill myself.”

Oh, Oren… I am carrying these words inside me wherever I go, along with the memory of your face, the feel of your curls, and the sweetness of your smile…

(c) all rights reserved to khulud kh, 2011

6 comments:

  1. My Dear Khulud,

    This was so beautiful. You made me cry. And I wish I can see you now and tell you a long story, which ends with a dead young man that could not live in this world any more. And I think this man did not kill himself, it was something else that killed him, something unexpected and strange, which we will never know.

    Love
    Sarai

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  2. thank you Sarai for your warm words... though you write from the other side of the world, they have reached me and touched me.
    love, kh.

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  3. thanx khulud beautifully written. i presume a lot of us have similar stories in our lives. so do i.
    it's touching the way you expressed it.

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  4. AnonymousJune 29, 2012

    מחמם את הלב תודה .אבא של אורן יקר

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  5. תודה שלמה. לכולנו קשה, אבל בסופו של דבר אנו חייבים להשלים עם מותו של אורן. הוא עדיין תופס מקום מיוחד אצלי בלב, ואני עדיין מתגעגעת אליו.

    ReplyDelete

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