18 November 2011

For you, Oren בשבילך - אורן יקר

(c) photo by khulud kh (2011)

Do you remember, Oren, how I used to hold your curly head and caress your shoulder as you bent low over the window to throw up?

Do you remember, Oren, when I used to lay on your bed – naked.
And you would sit on the floor with a piece of charcoal in your hand.
And you would draw me – naked.

Then, when you finished your masterpiece, we would both look at it for a while – before you shred it into pieces – beautiful art for the sake of art, to be discarded.

I wrote you poems, and you just laughed them away and graded them.

Then, one day, we stood at the top of the stairs, and you told me: “I will push you down these stairs.” And you almost did.
That day, you also told me, “If you leave me, I will kill myself.”

And then I left – all the way to the other side of the world.

And when I came back, I wanted to see your face, run my fingers through your curls, just this one more time, before I go on.

I dialed the number, etched into my bones.
Olivia answered.
I asked, “Can I speak to Oren?”
Silence on the other side. Then, a shocked voice dripping with agony, “Who is this?”
“It’s me,…”
“Oren is gone.”
I wanted to ask when will he be back, and could she please tell him that I called… but then… the agony in her voice enveloped me, and I understood. Oren is gone. Gone.

“If you leave me, I will kill myself.”

Oh, Oren… I am carrying these words inside me wherever I go, along with the memory of your face, the feel of your curls, and the sweetness of your smile…

(c) all rights reserved to khulud kh, 2011


  1. My Dear Khulud,

    This was so beautiful. You made me cry. And I wish I can see you now and tell you a long story, which ends with a dead young man that could not live in this world any more. And I think this man did not kill himself, it was something else that killed him, something unexpected and strange, which we will never know.


  2. thank you Sarai for your warm words... though you write from the other side of the world, they have reached me and touched me.
    love, kh.

  3. thanx khulud beautifully written. i presume a lot of us have similar stories in our lives. so do i.
    it's touching the way you expressed it.

  4. thank you darling talma

  5. AnonymousJune 29, 2012

    מחמם את הלב תודה .אבא של אורן יקר

  6. תודה שלמה. לכולנו קשה, אבל בסופו של דבר אנו חייבים להשלים עם מותו של אורן. הוא עדיין תופס מקום מיוחד אצלי בלב, ואני עדיין מתגעגעת אליו.


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