24 July 2009

Deleting me

I know these things are not new. I know this has been going on for years, I have just chosen to be blind for all these years. Or maybe it was his doing.
Being exposed for the last few months to the escalating political events - especially concerning racism, the Nakba bill, the Arabic city names deleted - and more.
All of a sudden, I was struck with a desolate feeling that there will never be a place on this earth where I can call home.
There's a feeling they want to delete me - to delete all the signs of memory. Of me ever being here.

Where can I go? I am not wanted here, the place I most desire to be. I have a deep, basic need of feeling connected to the earth - and I have this feeling with this place, and now I am set to be deleted - just like that. By pressing "ctrl-alt-delete."
Do they want to erase my whole history? My language? The memory of my footprints? Even that.

It is difficult to write about this in a cohesive way - all is chaos in my mind.