Struggling with words... I got the characters, they walk inside my mind, struggling to get out. Yearning to have their lives - histories, experiences, fears, loves, hopes, frustrations - molded into something solid. Something real.
While they struggle inside my mind, I am struggling to let them free. Struggling with the words. Failing, deleting, starting again.
Who said writing was easy? Well - it's difficult. Very!
At the same time - it gives so much pleasure. Electrifying.
I get high just from writing a good sentence.
I am no longer me. I am becoming my writing.
My life has expanded to make room for Maisoon, Ziyad, Tayseer, Nisreen, Sima, Um Muhammad, and others. They are all here with me - at my dinner table, with me drinking coffee and smoking a late-night cigarette, they even go with me to bed. We talk into the small hours of the night, sometimes we even hear the first song of the birds in the morning. We go shopping together. Maisoon likes za'atar and home-made olive oil. Ziyad likes Arabic coffee, which is always too bitter for me. Sima whispers in my ear something about a checkpoint. Um Muhammad waves from her balcony while hanging laundry.
So you see - I have to stick to it. Not for me, but for them. Because I created them, and now I owe it to them to give them a full life.
I have no idea if any of you, my blog readers, are interested in my writing hallucinations or the progress of my novel, so forgive me please. I will now go back to writing. So far, got 3,297 words neatly typed up. 6 single-spaced pages. Dozen pages scribbled at odd moments with ideas for various incidents. I think I've made good progress so far.
And I have a deadline. March 8th, 2011. My 36th birthday. My birthday present to myself. The first draft will be finished by March 8th 2011. This is my promise to myself.
Ok, I'm gone back to writing my "Life in Fragments."
Oh my God, Khulud! What a beautiful post. I so feel your ecstasy over writing. Isn't it a wonderful feeling when we get so wrapped up like that? By the way, I love za'atar with zeit zeitoun! And by the way by the way, we have the same birthday, girl. March 8! Except, by March 8 2011, yours truly will be 40. What a humbling thought! Well, keep on with your writing. And please do share some of it whenever you like. It's always my pleasure to read... Kol sana winti tayyeba!!
ReplyDeleteNevine
Wow! I think March 8th is the best birthdate a feminist could wish for!
ReplyDeleteI was wondering if I should post some of the "work in progress"... so maybe I will post some tonight, I'm in the middle of a scene right now. Zeit Zaitun is really the best.
Thanks for the encouragement. I'd love to get to know you better. (sorry I haven't been visiting your blog lately, been very busy. But I promise I will visit tonight, as soon as I finish this ove scene I'm working on).
Salam from Haifa,
khulud
Can't wait to meet your characters! I love (and relate to) that feeling of getting high from a well-crafted sentence. To say exactly what you want to convey, oh, the magic of words. I'm inspired by your creativity and your deadline. Write on, write like the wind!
ReplyDeleteDear Khulud:
ReplyDeleteThe writing has become a fellowship with you sharing it with us. we are happy to partake and enjoin. Its a collective one now. We are there wishing that the first draft come out at the specified time and that the characters blend into every reader's lives.
Go on Khulud. We are there behind you patting, listening, waiting and encouraging.
Joy always,
Susan.
P.S: Nice to know that two of my fellow bloggers and lovely women-writers share the same birthday. Cheers to this!!!