25 January 2010

The Darkest Night

I have a knot in my throat, a knot in my stomach, and something really heavy pressing against my heart. My strength is put to the test in impossible ways. Things I cannot cope with are hurled at me with no mercy. Life can be cruel at times, and right now what I see is a long and dark night ahead of me, praying to my Goddess to light the way - in vain...


  1. my dear,
    Im so sad to hear you're feeling so bad. I feel like giving you 10'000 advises I've picked up on such nights, but I know it'll only agrevate you. I'll just say this - it goes away. however unbeareblle it is now, it goes away. and for the time its there just do what you need to do to ease it a bit - be it work, warm milk, crying or a movie - at the end of the day, your'e own growth drives away those feelings. its just regression, and it goes away.

  2. Khulud, I don't know where your darkness is coming from, but I wish you peace in this darkness. And remember this: the sun always rises...


  3. i may seem like it, but don't give up hope. rarely are we given things to handle we are not capable of dealing with.

  4. Just pause. Get away from the darkness . . . light is there and all that you have to do is see it.

    Courage, love and hope,

  5. thank you. Shadow, you are so right: I keep reminding myself that life cannot hurle at me things I cannot handle.
    Yali: yes, of course. Thank you for the warm words. I cried and it helped, and then I grew a little more. Warm milk? You couldn't force it down my throat if you had a gun to my temple. But I drink lots of apple tea I brought from Nepal.
    Nevine: I've tried to find some peace in the darkness. I've tried to accept the fact that the darkness is part of life, and I have to feel it.
    Susan: I know I can always count on you to help me see the bright side of things - in this case, the light. Yes, the light is there, I know it, and I am beginning to see a thin sliver of it...

    thank you all,

  6. i just left you at night to sleep and you couldn't take it and regressed into heavy existentialist feelings? couldn't you just go to bed and dream happy dreams about me?!!! well anyway this is the sinusoid of life. lucky for you that you have your daughter parents and dogs who need you so up up you raise deep inhaling cold shower maybe swim or coffee and walk in the beach and meet with talma for laugh and hugs and it is over (....till next time). i love you


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