A few drags of hasheesh tonight – not marijuana like always – and I feel as my heavy body slips out of me and – in thin slices – slides in slow motion towards the sheets, detaching itself in the process from me. The body falls away voluptuously, into the dim, clinging fragrance of white desire.
My body drops down, surrendering to the weakness in my bones, giving up the possession over my body to Ziyad, knowing he will be gentle as he takes me into the blackened abyss of my un-conscious mind. He is enraptured by my passivity, by my inability to defend the secret folds of my longing to his uncontrollable fizzing flames. Flames that will embrace me with their heat, protecting me from myself...
The transition to this sublevel of elusive being is smooth, with its seductivity brushing against me, lightly breathing into me...
And only when I completely abandon myself, the moment the silky waters of my orgasm leave my body, spilling out in a wild outburst – only then does he start taking in the pleasure. He waits, holding on to his pleasure, not releasing it until he feels my whole body un-tensing. He then enters me with such explosive force – when even my brain becomes submissive, unable to form thoughts consciously...
Later he tells me, "thank God for the invention of marijuana and hasheesh. For only when you are under their influence you become weak."
Very good, actually. Though, Ziyad must be totally under her spell if he can detect one only of her weaknesses, and that is when she is drugged! Or, another interpretation: she is insufferably smug to think that of herself.
ReplyDeletethanks Anna. However, she's not the one who thinks that. These were Ziyad's words. And I'm sure he finds other weaknesses in her as well... in other contexts.
ReplyDeletewhat a woman.
ReplyDeletenevertheless i don't quite understand why letting go and abandon is weakness. unless the man is limited in his understanding of he....?
Talma - I'm glad you don't see it as a weakness. And I agree with you that he probably is limited in understanding her.
ReplyDeleteha, yes, a very seductive weakness...
ReplyDeleteI have gone back to the last sentence of the story, and it does not imply any wekaness it the sexual sense. It just says that she becomes weak only under the influence of drugs. And that IS a weakness, to put it mildly. Sorry, Talma and Shadow ('seductive???'), You are deluded. And Khulud is a master metaforist if she writes 'drugs' and means 'sex'. (And makes us all believe it.)
ReplyDeletePS This is Anna again. Sorry for anonymity, but the blog did not allow me to post the comment, so trying anonymously.
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ReplyDeleteHey Anna - writing "drugs" and meaning "sex" and making you all believe it... I liked it, but I will leave all of you with your own delusions about this, because what I wrote is so much more than that...
ReplyDeleteVery well, I agree. If you are writing it for yourself, that's a good idea to leave accidental readers to 'their own delusions'. If you, by any chance, aim at the reader, then perhaps there is something missing, either in the writer, or in the reader. I take it on myslef, this time.
ReplyDeleteAnna
but of course I believe in delusions. A great believer in open reading. reading that opens up to kaleidescopic interpretations rather than collapsing into one meaning.
ReplyDeleteOnce the writing has been released into the world, the writer ceases to have any control over its meaning. And the fact that I meant one thing and you interpreted it in a different way only gives merit to the piece. that's the beauty in writing - each reader finds her own interpretations in it, according to her own world and according to the stuff she is made of.