I know these things are not new. I know this has been going on for years, I have just chosen to be blind for all these years. Or maybe it was his doing.
Being exposed for the last few months to the escalating political events - especially concerning racism, the Nakba bill, the Arabic city names deleted - and more.
All of a sudden, I was struck with a desolate feeling that there will never be a place on this earth where I can call home.
There's a feeling they want to delete me - to delete all the signs of memory. Of me ever being here.
Where can I go? I am not wanted here, the place I most desire to be. I have a deep, basic need of feeling connected to the earth - and I have this feeling with this place, and now I am set to be deleted - just like that. By pressing "ctrl-alt-delete."
Do they want to erase my whole history? My language? The memory of my footprints? Even that.
It is difficult to write about this in a cohesive way - all is chaos in my mind.
There is order in this chaos. Have you come to terms with the question of home, Khulud?
ReplyDeleteSusan
Not yet... it is difficult when you live in a country that doesn't want you. I guess it is a struggle for which I need to take a long breath. and it is only human, the longing to feel at home in your own land.
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