Thanks for visiting. I'm khulud, a feminist Palestinian writer living in Haifa. Here I share my experiences within broader socio-political contexts. I play around with poetry, and publish fragments of fiction-in-progress. My first novel, Haifa Fragments, is available from Spinifex Press (Australia) and New Internationalist (UK)
18 December 2014
Haifa Fragments
I'm excited to share with you that you can now pre-order my novel, Haifa Fragments, from the website of my publisher, Spinifex Press.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the friends that have supported me throughout the writing and editing process. My parents and daughter for putting up with me.
Special thanks of course to Susan Hawthorne, director of Spinifex Press, for giving me this invaluable opportunity to publish my work. And of course, Bernadette Green, my editor, who was simultaneously professional and gentle with my text.
I feel thankful for having completed this journey. Although it was tougher than I imagined at times, I cherish each moment of it.
I hope you enjoy reading the novel.
- khulud
25 November 2014
25 November - International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women
Today, 25 November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, I will participate in a panel organized by the Coalition of Women for Peace for Diplomats and International Partners in Israel. The panel is under the title: "Protective Edge. Attack on Gaza: Women's Insecurity and Anti-War Efforts."
I have not prepared anything in particular for this panel, as I will share my very own personal experience during the last summer.
* The personal insecurity
* The violent attacks on us after a peaceful demonstration
* Our attempts at making our voices heard, and finding an alternative to demonstrations through photography sessions , documentation, and poetry.
The below paragraphs were published by WorldPulse along with a short presentation of the photo album "War is Not My Language" in their Magazine.
In July 2014, Israel launched its military attack on Gaza, called Operation Protective Edge. The whole atmosphere inside Israel preceding and during this military attack was explosive in terms of Jewish-Arab relations. Anyone who dared raise a voice against the war or against the killing of civilians, or anyone who called for immediate cease-fire, was seen as a traitor and was attacked (sometimes verbally, sometimes physically).
We, a community of feminist activists from Haifa, Jewish and Palestinian women citizens of Israel, felt helpless. The public sphere was occupied by those advocating for the military action, and our voices against the war and against killing were silenced, often with violent means. We were physically attacked during demonstrations, Palestinian women feared speaking in Arabic in public spaces, and our spheres of action were rapidly shrinking. Thus, we convened an emergency meeting at the Haifa Women's Coalition House, and discussed our options. We took these photos in a safe space and shared them on social media—one of the only ways we had left to express our objection to the war and the killing, and to make our voices heard.
khulud khamis, 2014
22 November 2014
The woman in the frame - fragment from "Taboos in Arabic"
Bisan was waiting.
Breathing, trying to be patient. But nothing happened. Well, everything
happened, but nothing of any significance to be worth a click of the Leica. She
was leaning against a stone wall in Wadi Nisnas, at the edge of the souk. She’s
been here the day before with her Canon 60D digital camera, and shot more than
200 frames. Today, she was here with film – only 36 possibilities. After about
half an hour, she gave in and put the camera to her eye. She stood there like
this for a minute, a statue. Didn’t move the camera, just waited for the people
to walk into the frame. And they did. Over the next hour, she shot 35 frames.
She wasn’t being too picky, nor was she focused as she worked. Her mind kept
wandering back to Muna’s touch.
She was impatient about
seeing the results, but had no other option but to wait until tomorrow to
develop the film. The last photograph has to be different. She studied her
surroundings. All 35 frames were taken with the souk in the background, people
either on their way shopping with just a purse, or of people coming back from
shopping, with plastic bags. Taher told her to pick one spot and use the whole
film without moving. She turned around and faced the other direction, still
standing in the same spot. The view was much duller and less colorful. She held
up the camera to her eye, positioned the St. John’s church in the upper right
corner of the frame, and waited. She had one shot and she wanted it to be
exquisite.
She was just now beginning
to realize what Taher had meant when he said to be patient. There was
absolutely nothing extraordinary about the frame. She felt like a predator
waiting on its prey. However, she was caught unprepared when an ancient man
walked by with a walking cane. Although he was walking slow enough for her to
take the shot, she couldn’t make the decision quickly enough, and the man
disappeared behind the corner. The same thing was repeated twice again: a young
girl who ran by and a man in his forties dressed in jeans and a black shirt.
That’s it, not waiting for any magnificent moment! The next person walks into
the frame – click! She didn’t have to wait long. She was so focused on her
frame that she didn’t even see the woman. All she saw was the form of a woman.
Click. And she was gone. End of film.
It was already dusk when she shot that last frame,
and her hand slightly trembled. But she got the shot at the right moment, just
as the young woman turned her head and looked straight into the camera. Bisan
wasn't sure if she noticed she was being photographed, but it was a spontaneous
moment, one of those that street photographers would kill for.
***
She had her Leica slung over her shoulder when she
walked in the house. Her father was helping her mother set up the table for
dinner. "New toy, I see," he said in disdain.
Her mother shot him a sharp look, "Leave her
be."
"Why should I? She's not doing anything
constructive with her life. All her high school friends are already finishing
university, and she's still stuck in that musty old shop with ancient
Taher."
Bisan ate in silence, since her father was talking
about her as if she weren't there. She wouldn't get in the same argument with
him for the hundredth time. It was useless to try to explain to him that
photography for her was so much more than a passing hobby, not to talk about
the fact that the Leica was definitely not a toy.
***
The alarm clock went off at 5:30 sharp. Although
she didn’t get much sleep, Bisan jumped out of bed and was out of the house by
6:15. She walked the short distance to Kamera in brisk strides, passing on her
way a young woman in a sweat suit, a hoodie partially covering her head,
jogging up the street. Who in their right mind would abuse their body in such a
way? Bisan didn’t practice any sport. She didn’t need to, as she walked
everywhere, even up to the Carmel, through Haifa’s maze of stairs that ran from
the bottom of the mountain all the way to Carmel Center.
***
Salma
As Salma jogged up the street, she noticed the
young woman with the old camera slung across her shoulder. She couldn’t know it
was the same woman who took her picture the day before, as she wasn’t really
paying attention. What coincidence. Someone takes her photo the day before. And
now, a woman with a camera at 6:20 in the morning! Stalker? She jogged up to
the roundabout at the end of Khoury street and headed back, trying to look
inconspicuous. The camera woman didn’t look in her direction; she seemed
impatient getting to wherever she had to get to, her stride full of intent.
Just my imagination, thought Salma, as she increased her pace. She wasn’t
making any progress in the last couple of weeks. At least she got back on track
with her running. She was almost out of breath, but decided to turn around
again and job back up. She reached the roundabout, and as she was jogging
around it, she saw the camera woman on Ha-Nevi’im street for a brief moment
before she disappeared into one of the buildings. Salma again increased her
pace, salty sweat dripping down her forehead and into her eyes, and jogged in
that direction. She jogged all the way to the end of the street, taking in the
entrances. These were mostly businesses, but all were still dark. Weird. She
looked at her watch and realized she was almost running late. She would just
have enough time to shower and head to the university for her much-dreaded
meeting with Hiba. She still had nothing other than some haphazard notes that
didn’t amount to anything that could be considered to be sound research basis.
***
Bisan
Bisan saw the jogging woman twice more from the
corner of her eye, the second time when she was already inside Kamera, still
with the lights off. She was trying to apply the patience technique to her
daily routine. Taher said it helped. So Bisan now sat in the dark Kamera in
silence. She couldn’t take more than five minutes before she dashed to boot the
computer and then turn on the lights. At nine sharp she unlocked the door, but
there were no customers until around eleven except for one man who came in for
some batteries. Miraculously, there were only two email orders from the day
before, and one that came in around ten thirty. None of them were due for a few
days, which gave Bisan enough time to develop the film from yesterday. Some
thought kept coming back to her, but it was so vague she couldn’t pin it down.
Something about the way that jogger carried her body, which she only realized
now that she was already working. Detail! Taher always said it’s all in the
details. Need to pay more attention, even when camera not on hip and ready to
shoot.
When Taher walked in with some
fresh-out-of-the-oven mana’eesh, Bisan had already gone through all 36 frames.
They were neatly stacked next to the computer, and Bisan had printed an A3 size
of frame number 36.
“What have we here? First prints from the Leica!
May I?” Taher was peeking at the large print from behind Bisan’s tangled mess
of curls. She handed him the stack of photographs without looking up and
continued to study the one in front of her. Taher took another look at it
before settling down with to study the ones she handed him. Weird kid. He could
see the larger frame had potential, if it only wasn’t just a tiny bit out of
focus. Give the kid some slack. She’s just a beginner, her first film shots.
Bisan was focused on the face of the woman in the
frame. There was something familiar about her. But there was something else.
Bisan has seen this face somewhere else. Shit! My memory is like that of my
eighty-something years old grandmother! She put the photograph in the bottom
drawer and went over to Taher. “What do you think? Just remember, my first
film, so please be kind.”
“Kind? These are great, Biso! For a first film, I
mean.” Bisan was ecstatic. She knew Taher didn’t give away compliments so
easily. “Ok, let’s get the constructive criticism then.” She dragged a stool
over to his side and the bag of mana’eesh, trying to push the woman from frame
number 36 who happened also to be the researcher to a corner of her mind for
now. She’ll deal with it later.
(c) khulud khamis, 2014 from Taboos in Arabic, novel-in-progress
***
13 November 2014
It was the world slowing down for the minutes she held the camera to her eye.
I know, I said I wouldn't share any fragments of my new novel-in-progress, "Taboos in Arabic," but even I was surprised at the appearance of Bisan, an energetic young female character with flare. So here's a small bit of her life:
Bisan grew up in the instant world of digitals, where she could take an infinite number of photos and instantly see the results on her LCD screen. She could take twenty thirty forty a hundred shots of the same frame, using different shutter speeds and different exposure times until she got what she wanted. Not so with film. With film, she had to practice self-discipline. It was the world slowing down for the minutes she held the camera to her eye, waiting for the perfect moment to snap the shot – if ever a perfect moment could be captured on film. It taught her patience, and it taught appreciation of life’s gifts. With a film camera, she was on her way to mastering the art of photography, in small steps.
Waiting, she would notice details nobody knew even existed. And then, the snap. A fleeting moment that would never occur again – the sleek movement of the hand of a vegetable vendor, the bending of a woman over a tin can set up by a street performer, a child looking on in wonder, two elderly women greeting each other, a bicycle swerving between the cars. This is what life was composed of. Stop, take a deep breath. A film camera was Bisan’s way to feel the flow of life.
(c) khulud khamis, 2014 fragment from "Taboos in Arabic" manuscript
Bisan grew up in the instant world of digitals, where she could take an infinite number of photos and instantly see the results on her LCD screen. She could take twenty thirty forty a hundred shots of the same frame, using different shutter speeds and different exposure times until she got what she wanted. Not so with film. With film, she had to practice self-discipline. It was the world slowing down for the minutes she held the camera to her eye, waiting for the perfect moment to snap the shot – if ever a perfect moment could be captured on film. It taught her patience, and it taught appreciation of life’s gifts. With a film camera, she was on her way to mastering the art of photography, in small steps.
Waiting, she would notice details nobody knew even existed. And then, the snap. A fleeting moment that would never occur again – the sleek movement of the hand of a vegetable vendor, the bending of a woman over a tin can set up by a street performer, a child looking on in wonder, two elderly women greeting each other, a bicycle swerving between the cars. This is what life was composed of. Stop, take a deep breath. A film camera was Bisan’s way to feel the flow of life.
(c) khulud khamis, 2014 fragment from "Taboos in Arabic" manuscript
8 November 2014
Israeli police kill young Palestinian citizen of Israel in cold blood
Kheir Hamdan, 22, from the Galilee village of Kfar Kanna in Israel, was killed in cold blood last night by Israeli police officers. The video clearly shows that there was no immediate danger or life threat to any of the police officers at the time of shooting. Kheir was in the process of moving away from the police officers when he was shot dead. More than one bullet was fired at him.
Racism? If this was a Jewish young man, this would have never happened.
Read the article in the English version of Ha'aretz:
Racism? If this was a Jewish young man, this would have never happened.
Read the article in the English version of Ha'aretz:
CCTV footage raises questions in police shooting of knife-wielding Arab Israeli
Photo taken from the Facebook page of Shutafut-Sharakah
26 October 2014
Buthaina - tenth woman in her family murdered
Last night, Buthaina Abu Ghanem, from Ramleh, was murdered in cold blood. Buthaina is the tenth - yes, you are seeing the correct number - the TENTH - woman from her family to be murdered under similar circumstances.
Skimming through the media, I find the English edition of Times of Israel is using the term "honor killing." The Arab website Arabs 48 has reported that the Israeli police are incapable of dealing with these kinds of murders in what they refer to as "the Arab street."
To the term "honor killing" I say: NO. These are not honor killings. These murders have nothing to do with honor. These are gender-based murders. These women were murdered in cold blood simply because they were women, and simply because they attempted to live a normal life and to exercise their rights and freedoms. And to those commentators on the Times of Israel article who blame Islam, I also say no. Religion has nothing to do with it. These women were murdered because some men still think they have the right over women's bodies and the right to control women. Religions are not violent. If a person is violent, then his Islam/Christianity/Judaism/Buddhism will be violent. People are violent, not religions.
The names of the ten murdered women are buzzing through my head.
Buthaina
Naiefa
Sharihan
Dalia
Sabreen
Suzan
Zeinat
Amira
Reem
Hamda
Ten women from the same family. Sharihan was only 16 when she was murdered. Dalia disappeared at the age of 16 and to this day the police have not found her body. Reem was murdered because she refused to marry a man she didn't want to. Hamda was murdered because of too many phone calls.
I am sitting in the safety of my home, and my heart goes out to the women of the family who are still alive, and I cannot imagine the horror they must live through, not on a daily basis, but moment to moment.
ENOUGH KILLING WOMEN. ALL WE WANT IS TO LIVE IN DIGNITY AND FREEDOM.
Skimming through the media, I find the English edition of Times of Israel is using the term "honor killing." The Arab website Arabs 48 has reported that the Israeli police are incapable of dealing with these kinds of murders in what they refer to as "the Arab street."
To the term "honor killing" I say: NO. These are not honor killings. These murders have nothing to do with honor. These are gender-based murders. These women were murdered in cold blood simply because they were women, and simply because they attempted to live a normal life and to exercise their rights and freedoms. And to those commentators on the Times of Israel article who blame Islam, I also say no. Religion has nothing to do with it. These women were murdered because some men still think they have the right over women's bodies and the right to control women. Religions are not violent. If a person is violent, then his Islam/Christianity/Judaism/Buddhism will be violent. People are violent, not religions.
The names of the ten murdered women are buzzing through my head.
Buthaina
Naiefa
Sharihan
Dalia
Sabreen
Suzan
Zeinat
Amira
Reem
Hamda
Ten women from the same family. Sharihan was only 16 when she was murdered. Dalia disappeared at the age of 16 and to this day the police have not found her body. Reem was murdered because she refused to marry a man she didn't want to. Hamda was murdered because of too many phone calls.
I am sitting in the safety of my home, and my heart goes out to the women of the family who are still alive, and I cannot imagine the horror they must live through, not on a daily basis, but moment to moment.
ENOUGH KILLING WOMEN. ALL WE WANT IS TO LIVE IN DIGNITY AND FREEDOM.
23 October 2014
my new passion
Words have always been at the center of my life. I breath and live through words. It’s my way of talking to the world, and in the last several years, my tool for feminist activism. However, several years ago, I suddenly felt that I need an additional medium for expressing my creative energies. I started studying jewelry design, but left after two months. Something was missing. Something was incomplete in my life. Then I had the invaluable opportunity to photograph feminist events. I started receiving positive feedback, friends telling me that I have “an eye.” I started taking my Canon 60D everywhere, it became an extension of my body.
I’ve been photographing for two years, mainly playing with my camera, experimenting, learning. I don’t necessarily look for beauty when capturing an image. Rather, I search for essence, meaning, emotions, a story, more often than not questions rather than answers.
I am thrilled to have discovered an art form where I can grow as an individual and as an artist, a field that is so vast that the learning experience has no limits.
14 October 2014
udate
I haven't been uploading any new content recently for several reasons.
* I have been quite busy with proofreading my forthcoming novel, Haifa Fragments. While I was in the process of writing it, I posted fragments from it. Now it has gone to type-setting. The novel will be available on 8 March, 2015 and you will be able to buy a copy through my publisher's website, Spinifex.
* More recently, I have gone back to a second novel, which I started a year ago. The new novel I'm currently working on, Taboos in Arabic, takes up exactly those themes - taboos. As I am still struggling with raw material, structure, and style, the text is in no way ready for sharing publicly.
* Lastly, I have found a new passion. Another way to unleash and express my creative energies: photography. In the last number of years, I have felt that the medium of words is not enough for me in terms of expressing myself and my creativity, and I searched for something to complement writing. I found it in photography. So at the moment, I am spending quite some time playing around with my camera, experimenting, and learning. I might soon open a photography blog, and will update you on it.
* As I'm not sure when I will be posting new blog-posts (it can happen anytime), I invite you to subscribe by email to my blog. This way, you will be sure not to miss anything.
* In the meantime, you are more than welcome to follow my Facebook page: Haifa Fragments, or just connect with me through my personal profile.
in solidarity,
khulud
* I have been quite busy with proofreading my forthcoming novel, Haifa Fragments. While I was in the process of writing it, I posted fragments from it. Now it has gone to type-setting. The novel will be available on 8 March, 2015 and you will be able to buy a copy through my publisher's website, Spinifex.
* More recently, I have gone back to a second novel, which I started a year ago. The new novel I'm currently working on, Taboos in Arabic, takes up exactly those themes - taboos. As I am still struggling with raw material, structure, and style, the text is in no way ready for sharing publicly.
* Lastly, I have found a new passion. Another way to unleash and express my creative energies: photography. In the last number of years, I have felt that the medium of words is not enough for me in terms of expressing myself and my creativity, and I searched for something to complement writing. I found it in photography. So at the moment, I am spending quite some time playing around with my camera, experimenting, and learning. I might soon open a photography blog, and will update you on it.
* As I'm not sure when I will be posting new blog-posts (it can happen anytime), I invite you to subscribe by email to my blog. This way, you will be sure not to miss anything.
* In the meantime, you are more than welcome to follow my Facebook page: Haifa Fragments, or just connect with me through my personal profile.
in solidarity,
khulud
8 September 2014
the only way I know
I tried to –
love you
gradually.
but I failed.
I tried to –
love only
parts of you.
and I failed.
So I settled for
loving you
the only way I know
wholly
completely
utterly
- khulud خلود
1 September 2014
clouds visit the mountains
losing you
in the rain
a tree drops
one leaf
then another
clouds visit the mountains
on road B311
against the flow of the river
through
in between
the mountains
finding you
losing myself
finding something new
khulud, August 2014, Austria
1 August 2014
erasing my language, silencing my voice, erasing my smile. But I rise and smile
You try to scare me. Make me shrink. Further.
Make me walk the streets of my city
My city
Trying to take up less space.
For two whole weeks that I’ve been avoiding public
transportation. And when I had to take the train, and wanted to take my laptop
out to work, I remembered it had stickers in Arabic on it, saying: “my right to
live, to chose, to be.”
So the laptop remained in my backpack. Along with my
language.
When my friend called during that same train ride, I mumbled
quietly, “aha, hmmm, yeah, ok, bye.”
Before riding the train back home, I had on a shirt with the
writing: “the personal is political” in Arabic and Hebrew. My friend asked me
if I was sure I wanted to wear this shirt on the train. I looked down at the
shirt, and again, packed my language inside my backpack.
For two whole weeks, they have succeeded in crushing me, in
erasing my language, silencing my very voice, even my smile. The feeling was
one of complete paralysis.
But today I rise, and I smile. Because erasing my smile
would mean they have succeeded in their mission of crushing me. And today I raise
my voice and say: with
all the devastation around us, with over 1,400 dead women, girls, boys, and men
in Gaza, with the all permeating sense of helplessness, and the crushing sense
of hopelessness, we will not give you the satisfaction of yielding. We will not
be crushed. Our smiles will not be erased, no matter how hard you try! No
matter how hard you try to erase my language, silence my voice, I raise my
voice for justice. And I refuse to lose hope, and I refuse to give up on my
smile. Because we, sir, teach life! In spite and despite all your attempts to
crush the life out of us. We rise, we smile, and we teach the world life!
khulud, 1 August 2014
Haifa
22 July 2014
Pogrom Documentation in Haifa 19/ July 2014
On Saturday evening, 19 July, 2014, some dozen Haifa
feminist activists gathered in the Haifa Women’s Coalition house to prepare
signs for the protest march scheduled to take place at 21:30 in Carmel Center,
Haifa. The atmosphere was positive, there was a sense that we are doing
something, raising our voice, refusing to be silenced. We took photographs of
ourselves with the signs and with the word ENOUGH written on our palms in
Arabic (خلص), Hebrew (די), and English. At around 21:00 we headed towards Carmel Center,
to join the march, organized by the Hadash Arab-Jewish party.
As soon as we arrived, we were completely taken aback by the
scene. At least 2,000 extreme right-wing protesters were gathered at the point
from which our march was to begin. We were moved to a different nearby
location. We were few. Some accounts say we were several hundreds, but I don’t
think there was more than 250 of us. Maybe even 200.
We could not march. The extreme right-wing protesters kept
coming in, and were spread over on the other side of the main street, mainly
chanting “death to Arabs” and “death to leftists.” I felt fear rise in my
throat. I began taking pictures. At one point, I realized that when the protest
is over, it will be very dangerous to disperse. I searched for our
international intern and made sure that she doesn’t leave alone. Then I asked
three of my friends – separately – if I can join them in their car and if they
can drive me home. Three, because I wanted to make sure that if I lose sight of
any of them, I have alternatives.
The protest came to an end
when the last of the protestors who came out of Haifa got on the bus and left.
Or so we thought. This was just the beginning. At this point, we remained about
50 protestors – mainly from Haifa, who came on foot or by car. Our intention
was to disperse and go home. The police began dispersing as well. But the
extreme right-wing protestors didn’t show any signs of dispersing. On the
contrary, they just kept multiplying. Not only that, we soon realized that they
were spread in groups in all they alleys surrounding us, behind bushes at the
entrances to buildings, everywhere. Ambushing protestors trying to leave. My
friends and I (at this point we were 6 or 7) tried to leave through the back
yard of one of the buildings, and soon were chased back by angry protestors who
were ambushing us with the aim of attacking us physically.
Back with the group of
50 protestors, we found ourselves moving slowly down the street, with no clear
plan of what or how. At one point, my 5 friends somehow succeeded to break away
and leave. Later I learned that two of them were beaten, one ended up in the
hospital for concussion.
I remained with the 50
last protestors, and we came to a corner and stopped there. The scene in front
of us was terrifying. In my estimation, there were about 1,500 of them.
Surrounding us, approaching us, chanting death to Arabs. I looked at the
street, and saw maybe 15 regular, unarmed policemen where half an hour before
where hundreds of policemen, some on horseback.
We shrank back. A
young teenage girl began crying behind me. An older woman said let’s go into
one of the apartments. I screamed at one of the policemen: get us a bus! Then
at one of the organizers the same thing. It was so easy at this point to just
call a bus and get the hell out of there. We found ourselves posting statuses
on Facebook that we are surrounded, we began calling 100 (police hotline). At
this point, stones began flying at us. Large. One of them hit my friend in the
side of her head. We were now crouching, our hands over our heads. I could
smell the fear among us.
To me, this seemed to
go on forever. It went on maybe for an hour. Later I learned that from my
friends who saw our calls for help on Facebook that many of them called 100.
The police, realizing it’s getting worse, at this point brought in the water
cannon and armed police. Still, the water cannon didn’t help disperse the angry
crowd.
Finally, after what
seemed an eternity, the police decided to start moving us alongside the
sidewalk. We begin walking, chased by the angry mob. As we walk, they pop up
from everywhere: from alleys, entrances to houses. Stones keep flying in our
direction. We keep moving through the alleyways. I have a feeling the police
has no plan, no idea of what to do with us. We walk for about one kilometre. We
stop at a roundabout. Now the police officers are arguing about what to do with
us. I try again: “bring us a bus!” About 15-20 minutes later, a bus drives
past, one of the night lines. The police stops the bus, gets the passengers
off, and we get on.
We start moving. To
me, it seemed we were driving in circles, as the angry mob was still chasing us
in their cars. To me, it seemed that the ride was taking forever. We didn’t
know where the bus is taking us. Finally, we arrive at Maxim restaurant by the
beach. The place is full of police, and the water cannon. We get off the bus,
and there seems to be no extremists in sight. It seems that everything is behind
us. We get on another bus that’s waiting there. We have no idea where this bus
will take us. Yet there’s a feeling of relief. We all get on the bus, and the
bus starts pulling away.
All of a sudden, and
out of nowhere, rocks fly at the bus. Moments of terror. The side windows are
broken and there is glass everywhere. We scream at the driver to keep driving,
as the police has finally left us and we are on our own.
The bus arrives at the
German Colony, an Arab neighbourhood. We disembark. At last, a feeling of some
sort of safety. Still, I find myself looking around me. Some of us, who live
nearby, disperse. The rest, about 25 or so, head to the headquarters of the
Hadash party. I’m shaking. Three of my friends come and pick me up in their
car.
During all this, about
ten women friends of mine stayed close to their phones and Facebook, calling,
sending messages, asking what can we do, how can we help, calling the police.
They wanted to come and pick us up, but there was no way. There were literally
thousands of these extremists spread out all over the Carmel Center.
My friends drive me
home, and during the drive, we keep watching cars passing us by, making sure we
are not followed. When we reach my neighbourhood, a Jewish one, we stay in the
car for several minutes to make sure nobody is around. Then, my friend walks me
home. In the safety of my home, suddenly, I fell exposed, unsafe. The cat’s
movement causes me to jump. An hour later, a friend calls to bring me
something. I walk outside to meet her, and she puts her finger to her mouth,
indicating we should not speak in Arabic. We stand in the street, speaking
Hebrew.
I sit at my computer
and write a short description of my experience, and as I write, I realize that
what went on there was a pogrom. I realize that it could have ended not with
people injured, but with people dead. I shiver as I recall the eyes full of
murder. People who actually wanted me dead. For being an Arab. Not for any
other reason.
This is my personal
account of what happened on Saturday night. I’ve heard similar experiences from
other activists who were with us. For me, it is becoming scary just to walk
down the street or ride the bus. I have explicitly told my daughter not to talk
in Arabic in public spaces. I myself am afraid to answer calls from Arab
friends while on the bus for fear of being attacked.
This is Haifa 2014.
khulud khamis
Haifa 22 July, 2014
On the same day, before the protest, I wrote a poem called "war is not my language"
Link to photo album of the "war is not my language photos:
link to photos from the demonstration:
19 July 2014
war is not my language - الحرب ليست لُغتي
photo from the album "war is not my language". All photos can be circulated, shared, and used, under condition credit is given. If possible, provide a link to this poem, and notify me (via email, facebook, comment here).
الحرب ليست لُغتي
الحرب ليست لُغتي
war
is not my language
no
more of yours F-16s
no more of your tanks!
(and your other American made deadly toys)
no more of your Qassams[1]
no more!
no more of your tanks!
(and your other American made deadly toys)
no more of your Qassams[1]
no more!
Khalas!
we are sleepless
our bodies – collapsing, shaking, bloodied, amputated, dead.
we are sleepless
our bodies – collapsing, shaking, bloodied, amputated, dead.
الحرب
ليست لُغتي
war
is not my language
rule and divide
rule and divide
rule and divide
NO MORE!
we refuse.
we scream in desperation
let us live
stop the murder.
rule and divide
rule and divide
rule and divide
NO MORE!
we refuse.
we scream in desperation
let us live
stop the murder.
LIFT
the siege off Gaza
LET the fishermen fish
and let the boys PLAY football.
LET the fishermen fish
and let the boys PLAY football.
الحرب
ليست لُغتي
war
is not my language
LIFT
the siege off Gaza
LET
the women live with dignity
and
let the girls SWIM in the sea
divide and rule
divide and rule
NO MORE!
we refuse!
we stand up and loudly, clearly say
together, Jews and Palestinians –
we refuse your wars
we refuse to be enemies
divide and rule
divide and rule
NO MORE!
we refuse!
we stand up and loudly, clearly say
together, Jews and Palestinians –
we refuse your wars
we refuse to be enemies
الحرب
ليست لُغتي
war
is not my language
divide and rule
NO MORE!
(c) khulud khamis, خلود خميس
Haifa, 19 July 2014
حيفا, تموز 2014
divide and rule
NO MORE!
(c) khulud khamis, خلود خميس
Haifa, 19 July 2014
حيفا, تموز 2014
[1] searching for the
correct spelling, I find out that Izz ad-Din Al-Qassam lived part of his life
in Haifa, my home, playing a major part in laying the foundation for the Black
Hand (al-kaff al-aswad) الكف الأسود
28 June 2014
the incompetence of words
the first time you
whispered the –
word
it took my breath away
in the dark
I remained silent.
this word
for me
is too small to –
contain all that is
in my soul my mind my body
I remain silent
awed
at the incompetence of
words.
- khulud خلود
whispered the –
word
it took my breath away
in the dark
I remained silent.
this word
for me
is too small to –
contain all that is
in my soul my mind my body
I remain silent
awed
at the incompetence of
words.
- khulud خلود
10 June 2014
the political is personal
The political is personal
My daughter, having grown up in a radical feminist
environment of the Haifa Women’s Coalition house, mainly surrounded and
supported by the community of Isha L’Isha – Haifa Feminist Center and Aswat,
has grown up to become an assertive young feminist herself. It is a wonder
seeing her growing up and forming her own opinions on different issues. I
always learn from her, as she keeps reminding me in so many ways that there is
not one feminism, but many feminisms. We have discussions on issues affecting
women; sometimes we agree, other times we don’t.
The most recent disagreement between us reflects the
disagreement within the radical feminist movement in general, and that is the
use of our bodies in our struggles. Women have chosen to use their bodies
throughout the years in different political struggles, which can be seen in
recent years in the protests surrounding the Russian feminist punk rock protest
group Pussy Riot and the SlutWalks.
My daughter took part in this year’s Haifa SlutWalk, and she
decided to dress in a certain way, thus using her own body to make a political
statement. For those who don’t know the history of the Slut Walk, it started in
January 2011, following a remark by a “representative of the Toronto Police”
who “gave shocking insight into the Force’s view of sexual assault by stating: ‘women
should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.’” (SlutWalk).
When I saw what my daughter chose to wear, my first reaction
was to try to persuade her not to dress in this way. Here I had to negotiate my
own identities as a feminist and as her mother. Here I also realized that the
feminist saying we always stress, “the personal is political,” also works in
the opposite direction. In this case, the political became the personal.
Of course we both agree that women should have the right to
dress whichever way they want and not be sexually harassed. Our disagreement
was on the way we each choose to make our political statement. I myself don’t use my body in my activism, but I respect women who choose
to do so. And thus, ultimately I had to respect my daughter’s choice. She is,
after all, a grown young woman who received feminist education and all the
tools to make her own choices. She is free to choose to use her body in her
activism.
It was not easy seeing her during the SlutWalk procession as
on the personal level I had mixed feelings about it. However, I was so proud of
her. Proud of her courage, proud of her assertiveness, proud of her choice to
stand up for women’s rights.
23 May 2014
drawing histories
Maisoon drew with pencil the history etched into the
walls, the sparks of weddings that never were outside the window into the black
sky, the cracks between the stones unhealed scars, the mud the dried up blood
of life unborn, the dust beneath her legs all those tomorrows that never were.
It was a sketch of her grandmother's story the story of all grandmothers the
home of all mothers only this one room. Into this one room she poured their
laughter from before and also their grief from after and the blood shed.
- khulud, edited from Haifa Fragments, a novel forthcoming by Spinifex Press
breathing in the words
"Sitting here now watching the wrinkles of these old doors and writing such nonsense as the painting of the letters. But no matter it is only words but then I live my life through words I like to breathe them in slowly and fill my lungs with them and then feel them warmly spread through my blood to all parts of my body until I reach the saturation point but I can never reach that point. The more I breathe them in the more I want of them even now when I promised never to breathe these words out of my body again. But a time comes when I can no longer contain them within me and have to breathe them out somehow someway because ultimately I need to take a fresh breath. But life doesn’t wait Asmahan not for me not for you not for us. And so I must breathe all these words out and empty my body of them so that I could somehow someway pick up some fragments of me before they are scattered and lost completely."
- from Majid's doors of writing, edited from Haifa Fragments manuscript, forthcoming by Spinifex Press.
- from Majid's doors of writing, edited from Haifa Fragments manuscript, forthcoming by Spinifex Press.
26 April 2014
Haifa fieldnotes - Wadi Nisnas souk
He walked into the
tumultuous souk with abandon, his mind a blank, treading on unfamiliar ground.
His was the clean supermarket, lit with sharp blinding neon lights, where every
product had a label on it: where it was produced, by whom it was imported, who
the distributor was, number of calories, the vitamins and minerals it
contained, colour additives and other chemicals. They came in a variety of
shapes, sizes, colours. Plastic, glass, tin, cardboard. In bags, bottles, and
boxes. Smiling faces of young beautiful women and children (all light skinned with
blue or hazel eyes, but of course) peeked from every shelf, winking at him,
promising a better something. He did his shopping automatically, grabbing the
cheaper product rather than the one that promised it had no artificial flavours
added. But here, in this haphazard souk, with its own chaotic order, he felt
out of sync. Olive oil was sold in plastic bottles which originally held bubbly
drinks that tickle your tongue just so swiftly, flying through the nose like
tiny dust particles that attach themselves forcefully to every in-breath. Ziyad
couldn’t tell which olive oil came from the Triangle area and which from the North.
To him, the bottles all looked the same – the only difference their single eyes
– the plastic caps screwed in place. These came in reds, blues, grays, and
greens.
Ziyad puts two boxes with
the same winking blue-eyed kid in his cart. Never mind that he doesn’t usually
eat this cereal; it’s buy one get the second for half price. He can’t pass the
deal. He pushes the creeping fact that the company has been suspected of trafficking
in child labour out of the left corner of his mind. It has nothing to do with
him. Those children don’t belong to his neat world. And anyway, if he didn’t
get this brand, chances are the next one was produced in an illegal settlement
or by women under inhumane employment conditions. So he clears his muddled
conscience, shaking the grey specks like dust swept off old furniture. There
was no way around it.
The souk wasn’t free of child labour, either. But it was a different kind of child labour. The red, green and yellow apples still bore the fresh prints of children’s laughter inscribed into their skin. Sisters, brothers and cousins would chase one another around the family orchid, now getting tangled up in a grandmother’s wrinkled skirts, now passing under a ladder, picking up an apple here, stealing a hand-stitched scarf from a young cousin over there, running wildly, turning over a tank of lukewarm water. Chased by an uncle’s stick. The apples in the crates in the souk held on to these memories, to release the faint laughter of those children when sliced sharply by a knife to be served at the salu of another family. Ziyad didn’t know these secrets yet. The apples winked at him mischievously, teasing his taste-buds with their smooth colours like the waves tempting the rocks with their foam.
He stops at the first
vegetable stall, where an ancient woman sits on the bare cream-coloured floor
stacking up grape-leaves in neat little bundles. “Assalamu Alaikum, khalty,” he
says after a moment’s hesitation. “Wa Alaikum Assalam, son,” she looks up with
her dim eyes, wrinkled fingers resting on the stack she had just finished. He’s
stuck. He was waiting for her to offer him today’s deal, or to tell him how
delicious her apples were, but she remains silent. “Uhm… can you tell me where can
I find Um Muhammad?”
“Um Muhammad,” the ancient
woman rakes her memory, pausing to consult a dark, unswept corner of her mind.
“The third stall on your left. I bet your mother sent you to her for oranges.
She’s got the best ones, Allah be my witness.”
He thanked her, feeling
awkward because she didn’t try to persuade him to buy anything from her. Later
on, when he would frequent the souk several times a week, he would learn the
ways things worked here. That you never try to buy a customer. Things are done
ever so subtly at the souk.
***
He walks down the souk,
passing an improvised stand with a boy of about fifteen selling freshly
squeezed rumman juice. His face is dark from the sizzling Middle Eastern sun,
his light brown eyes shimmering, catching the blood red of the fruit. His stark
white tank-top in gleaming contrast to his olive skin, jeans smeared with thin
strikes and dapples of various shades of rumman colour – some fresh, others old
– like the cloth a painter cleans a brush on before dipping it into another colour.
Ziyad pauses at the side of
the stand, watching a woman in her late thirties bargaining the price of a cup
of the paradise drink. The young boy smiles politely, refusing to lower the
already cheap price. The woman gets upset, her brow creasing, but she buys the
drink anyway, not wanting to appear stingy. She walks away triumphantly,
holding on to her trophy, sipping it ever so slowly. "A cold rumman drink
to start the day with, muallem? Only five shekels for a taste of paradise.” The
boy is already squeezing a fresh fruit into a tin cup with one hand, holding a
sieve over it with the other so that the juice dripping into the cup is pure.
“But you sold it for ten to that woman,” Ziyad says in confusion. “Ahlan
wasahlan to the souk! So you’re new here?”
“How did you know?”
“Nobody asks a question
like that. Ya’ani, nobody who knows how things work here,” the boy snickers,
then continues in a more hushed tone, as if sharing a newly discovered
conspiracy, “For everything in the souk, there are two prices. One for our
brothers and sisters, and one for the Yahud. Don’t tell me you didn’t know
this, muallem.”
Yes, of course. Ziyad
remembers this traditional practice, though in mixed cities it also leads to
some confusion or uncomfortable instances, usually when young Arab women are
mistaken for Jewish. Most often, these misunderstandings end with laughter and
an instant reduction of the price. He sipped his sublime clear juice,
remembering the reason he was here.
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