23 May 2014

drawing histories

Maisoon drew with pencil the history etched into the walls, the sparks of weddings that never were outside the window into the black sky, the cracks between the stones unhealed scars, the mud the dried up blood of life unborn, the dust beneath her legs all those tomorrows that never were. It was a sketch of her grandmother's story the story of all grandmothers the home of all mothers only this one room. Into this one room she poured their laughter from before and also their grief from after and the blood shed.

- khulud, edited from Haifa Fragments, a novel forthcoming by Spinifex Press

breathing in the words

"Sitting here now watching the wrinkles of these old doors and writing such nonsense as the painting of the letters. But no matter it is only words but then I live my life through words I like to breathe them in slowly and fill my lungs with them and then feel them warmly spread through my blood to all parts of my body until I reach the saturation point but I can never reach that point. The more I breathe them in the more I want of them even now when I promised never to breathe these words out of my body again. But a time comes when I can no longer contain them within me and have to breathe them out somehow someway because ultimately I need to take a fresh breath. But life doesn’t wait Asmahan not for me not for you not for us. And so I must breathe all these words out and empty my body of them so that I could somehow someway pick up some fragments of me before they are scattered and lost completely."

- from Majid's doors of writing, edited from Haifa Fragments manuscript, forthcoming by Spinifex Press.

26 April 2014

Haifa fieldnotes - Wadi Nisnas souk

He walked into the tumultuous souk with abandon, his mind a blank, treading on unfamiliar ground. His was the clean supermarket, lit with sharp blinding neon lights, where every product had a label on it: where it was produced, by whom it was imported, who the distributor was, number of calories, the vitamins and minerals it contained, colour additives and other chemicals. They came in a variety of shapes, sizes, colours. Plastic, glass, tin, cardboard. In bags, bottles, and boxes. Smiling faces of young beautiful women and children (all light skinned with blue or hazel eyes, but of course) peeked from every shelf, winking at him, promising a better something. He did his shopping automatically, grabbing the cheaper product rather than the one that promised it had no artificial flavours added. But here, in this haphazard souk, with its own chaotic order, he felt out of sync. Olive oil was sold in plastic bottles which originally held bubbly drinks that tickle your tongue just so swiftly, flying through the nose like tiny dust particles that attach themselves forcefully to every in-breath. Ziyad couldn’t tell which olive oil came from the Triangle area and which from the North. To him, the bottles all looked the same – the only difference their single eyes – the plastic caps screwed in place. These came in reds, blues, grays, and greens. 

Ziyad puts two boxes with the same winking blue-eyed kid in his cart. Never mind that he doesn’t usually eat this cereal; it’s buy one get the second for half price. He can’t pass the deal. He pushes the creeping fact that the company has been suspected of trafficking in child labour out of the left corner of his mind. It has nothing to do with him. Those children don’t belong to his neat world. And anyway, if he didn’t get this brand, chances are the next one was produced in an illegal settlement or by women under inhumane employment conditions. So he clears his muddled conscience, shaking the grey specks like dust swept off old furniture. There was no way around it. 


The souk wasn’t free of child labour, either. But it was a different kind of child labour. The red, green and yellow apples still bore the fresh prints of children’s laughter inscribed into their skin. Sisters, brothers and cousins would chase one another around the family orchid, now getting tangled up in a grandmother’s wrinkled skirts, now passing under a ladder, picking up an apple here, stealing a hand-stitched scarf from a young cousin over there, running wildly, turning over a tank of lukewarm water. Chased by an uncle’s stick. The apples in the crates in the souk held on to these memories, to release the faint laughter of those children when sliced sharply by a knife to be served at the salu of another family. Ziyad didn’t know these secrets yet. The apples winked at him mischievously, teasing his taste-buds with their smooth colours like the waves tempting the rocks with their foam.

He stops at the first vegetable stall, where an ancient woman sits on the bare cream-coloured floor stacking up grape-leaves in neat little bundles. “Assalamu Alaikum, khalty,” he says after a moment’s hesitation. “Wa Alaikum Assalam, son,” she looks up with her dim eyes, wrinkled fingers resting on the stack she had just finished. He’s stuck. He was waiting for her to offer him today’s deal, or to tell him how delicious her apples were, but she remains silent. “Uhm… can you tell me where can I find Um Muhammad?”
“Um Muhammad,” the ancient woman rakes her memory, pausing to consult a dark, unswept corner of her mind. “The third stall on your left. I bet your mother sent you to her for oranges. She’s got the best ones, Allah be my witness.”
He thanked her, feeling awkward because she didn’t try to persuade him to buy anything from her. Later on, when he would frequent the souk several times a week, he would learn the ways things worked here. That you never try to buy a customer. Things are done ever so subtly at the souk.

***

He walks down the souk, passing an improvised stand with a boy of about fifteen selling freshly squeezed rumman juice. His face is dark from the sizzling Middle Eastern sun, his light brown eyes shimmering, catching the blood red of the fruit. His stark white tank-top in gleaming contrast to his olive skin, jeans smeared with thin strikes and dapples of various shades of rumman colour – some fresh, others old – like the cloth a painter cleans a brush on before dipping it into another colour.

Ziyad pauses at the side of the stand, watching a woman in her late thirties bargaining the price of a cup of the paradise drink. The young boy smiles politely, refusing to lower the already cheap price. The woman gets upset, her brow creasing, but she buys the drink anyway, not wanting to appear stingy. She walks away triumphantly, holding on to her trophy, sipping it ever so slowly. "A cold rumman drink to start the day with, muallem? Only five shekels for a taste of paradise.” The boy is already squeezing a fresh fruit into a tin cup with one hand, holding a sieve over it with the other so that the juice dripping into the cup is pure. “But you sold it for ten to that woman,” Ziyad says in confusion. “Ahlan wasahlan to the souk! So you’re new here?”
“How did you know?”
“Nobody asks a question like that. Ya’ani, nobody who knows how things work here,” the boy snickers, then continues in a more hushed tone, as if sharing a newly discovered conspiracy, “For everything in the souk, there are two prices. One for our brothers and sisters, and one for the Yahud. Don’t tell me you didn’t know this, muallem.”

Yes, of course. Ziyad remembers this traditional practice, though in mixed cities it also leads to some confusion or uncomfortable instances, usually when young Arab women are mistaken for Jewish. Most often, these misunderstandings end with laughter and an instant reduction of the price. He sipped his sublime clear juice, remembering the reason he was here.

- khulud, deleted from Haifa Fragments, forthcoming by Spinifex Press, 2014




8 April 2014

On Palestinians serving in the Israeli Defence Forces

I just had a short discussion on Facebook with a Palestinian living in Sweden, who claimed that MOST Palestinian citizens of Israel serve in the Israeli Defence Forces (IDF). He even said that Palestinians from Haifa, Jaffa, the West Bank, Al Khalil (Hebron), and Gaza serve in the IDF. I was quite taken aback from this statement, which is obviously not true. First, let me say that Palestinians from the West Bank (Al Khalil is in the West Bank) and Gaza do not and cannot serve in the IDF for obvious reasons.   

Now let’s move on to the issue of Palestinian citizens of Israel. It is true, there are several hundreds who serve in the army. Some for purely personal reasons, as they believe military service will grant them benefits – mainly economic, higher social status, and equality. Others have ideological grounds for their service. They believe they are Israeli, that Israel is their country, and they want to contribute and serve the country. They feel it is their obligation. Still others claim they are not Arabs at all, but only Arabic-speaking. They distinguish themselves completely from the Arabs and Palestinians.

But the problem is that mainstream Hebrew and foreign media are reflecting a distorted image of this reality. They focus on this small group, and the image viewers get is that the majority of Palestinian citizens of Israel are rushing to serve in the IDF. Yet they show only this partial image, ignoring the broad movement of youth mobilizing against all forms of recruitment – both military service and national/civil service. Palestinian youth within Israel are out on the streets protesting this, social media campaigns are running on Facebook and other new media channels. And not only the youth movement is out there, but also social change organizations are leading national campaigns against military and national service.



5 April 2014

hang the sun upside down


I want to hang the sun upside down 
at the bottom of the ocean
and let it bleed upwards
in spirals
- khulud

3 March 2014

the telephone call

The call came after midnight. The screen read “private number.” On the other line, a gruff voice of a man speaking in Arabic. The dialect was not the local Haifa dialect she spoke. He said her name. When she said yes, he began his monologue.
“We’ve seen you. We know where you work, and we know what kind of a car you own. We know where you live. We have a proposition for you. You will come to Jerusalem, and you will receive money. You’ll go shopping – you can buy nice clothes for yourself. And… you will also do some small mission for us. Then you will go back to Haifa and everything will be fine with you. So. Are you interested?”
She didn’t have to think about it. There was nothing to think about. “No. I’m not interested and I don’t want you calling me again.”
“You are sure of this?”
“Yes. Salamat.” And she hung up the phone.
A short conversation, but it left her shaking. They know where she lives. They know exactly where she works, they’ve seen her at work. He gave her the exact model of her car. They know her name and her phone number. They know everything about her. And she doesn’t know anything about them. About him. Not a name, not a number, not a trace.
They never called her back.
Until today, she doesn’t know who it was – it could have been either of the two players. They both use similar recruitment methods. They both have the means to obtain personal information about anyone.


18 January 2014

A Russian, an Ethiopian, and an Arab at the doctor’s

Sitting at the doctor’s office, waiting for my turn, reading a book.
An older lady sits next to me.
An Ethiopian young woman walks past.
The older lady watches her, and as the Ethiopian woman disappears around the corner, the older lady leans in towards me, and says, in a heavy Russian accent and a broken Hebrew: “That in not Jew. That – black. She no belong here. She belong Africa. How Jew and black?”
I look up from my book, trying to think of what to reply to this, but my brain doesn’t find the words. I go back to my book.
A few minutes later, the older lady again leans towards me, this time whispering: “You like Arabs?”
I look at her, put on my best smile, and reply sweetly: “I am an Arab.”
The first shock registered on the lady as her body involuntarily jerks back from me, to keep a safe distance. She quickly composes herself, and proclaims: “Me have many Arabs in my building. Good people. Very nice. Me like Arabs.”
I just smile at her, and go back to reading. The lady keeps her distance. A few minutes pass. The nurse calls my name. I get up, walk past the lady, then stop, turn around, look at her, and again in my sweetest voice and a smile, I say, “I’m a Palestinian.”
I wait just enough to see the horror on the lady’s face before turning around and walking into the doctor’s office.

- khulud خلود


8 January 2014

A new draft bill by MK Yariv Levin to grant Christians extra rights over Muslims

We are back to the days of the Ottoman rule and the British mandate. Israel 2014: according to a series of draft bills, proposed and promoted by Yariv Levin (chairman of the governing coalition, Likud Yisrael Beitenu), Christians will receive “separate representation and a separate frame of reference.” The bills will grant Christians in Israel extra rights over Muslims, including equal opportunities in employment. Moreover, Levin goes to the extreme of stating “I make sure not to refer to them as Arabs, because they’renot Arabs.” To top it off, he is proposing that Christians will be allowed to register themselves as just “Christians” under “Nationality” in their ID cards, to officially distinguish themselves from Arabs.

This series of proposed bills are set against the systemic policy of the state of Israel to continue to divide the Palestinian society inside Israel. Only recently, in the mass resistance to the Prawer Plan, we have seen the uniting of all groups of the Palestinian society, raising a united voice against the government’s plan to displace tens of thousands of Bedouins from their land. This united voice scares to government, and it will make every effort to act to divide our society.

In the last year, there has been a small group of Christians who are claiming they are not Arabs, they only speak Arabic, but are in no way Arabs, and are calling on Christians to serve in the Israeli Defence Forces. This small group does not in any way represent the majority of the Palestinian society within Israel. However, as I believe in one’s right to self-definition, I must therefore respect their right to define their identity as they see fit. On this point I am sure many will disagree with me, but since I define myself as a Palestinian, and I expect others to recognize my right to self-definition, then it follows that I must respect their right.

The state of Israel, however, is taking this small group to be representative of all Christians inside Israel, and using this against us to divide us.

By stating that the bill will grant equal opportunities in employment to Christians, it then follows that: (a) at the moment, there are no equal opportunities in employment for all citizens, and (b) if Christians will be granted this equality, then it means there will be active discrimination in employment against Muslims. Let’s not forget that in Israel there is a law on equal opportunities in employment.


Lastly, I can’t even find the adequate word to describe the fact that Levin actually views Christianity as a Nationality. Insane? Illogical? Crazy? Hallucinatory? Pick your choice of words.

1 January 2014

"Haifa story No. 1" - Arabs buy cheap shoes at the market

Jumana felt a sudden stabbing pain in her lower back as she got up from her desk. Her vision went black for a friction of a second, and she had to hold on to the chair to avoid falling. 

It was close to midnight, I’ll get to the doctor in the morning, Jumana told herself. She took a scorching hot shower, brushed her teeth, and got in bed. But the pain made it impossible to lie in any comfortable position. After two hours of lying on her back, she couldn’t take the pain anymore, and decided to call a taxi to take her to the hospital.

After filling in the paperwork, she was motioned to a bed and was told that a doctor will attend to her shortly. A male doctor, about mid-fifties, appeared. He took a quick look at her, saw her dark complexion, raised an eyebrow. “Jumana?”
“Yes, that would be me.”
“So, tell me, what’s the problem?”
Jumana told him about the back pain.
The doctor looked her up and down, then said in a condescending tone, “You Arabs, you buy cheap shoes from the market, and then wonder that you get back pain!”
Jumana was so taken aback by his remark, that all she could do was look down at her orthopaedic leather shoes, which cost her almost a quarter of her salary.
“And for how long have you been experiencing this pain?”
“Only a few hours.”
“And what did you do in the last few days?”
“Nothing special.”
The doctor frowned at Jumana, “Try to remember!” It was more of an order than a request.
“Really, nothing unusual... oh, wait! Yes, I was at a demonstration a few days ago, so maybe I got pushed around or something, but I don’t remember any pain... I think it...”
“I don’t want to hear about any demonstration!” the doctor snapped at her.
“But you asked me about it... anyway, it was a quite violent demonstration, with policemen on horses, tear gas...”
“I said I don’t want to hear about any demonstrations!”
“Oh, and I picked up an injured man...”
The doctor was losing his patience. “I’m afraid I can’t do anything for you.”
“Nothing?”
“What do you want to do?”
“Can you just give me some pain killers?”
“What do you think, that this is a picnic?”
“No, but you just asked me... so what do you suggest, doctor?”
“I’ll give you a shot.”
Jumana opened her eyes wide, “What do you think this is, doctor? A picnic?!”

- (c) khulud خلود 1/1/2014 Haifa

21 December 2013

this hand with three fingers

this dark hand with only
three fingers
caressing her naked 
body
with soft sadness
in a downtown hotel
room.
***
this smile of his
when he runs his hand
with the two fingers lost
along her body
in a downtown hotel
room.
***
the way he holds her
softly,
his three fingers intertwined
with her
five.
in a downtown hotel
room
with a view of the Haifa bay.

- khulud خلود

20 December 2013

herstory - mystory - ourstory



changing history to –
herstory
mystory
ourstory
Changing words
power * oppression * conquering * wars * control
replace with –
***
make new spaces
in herstory books
for ourstories
***
retrieve ourstories from the past
document ourstories of the present
create ourstories for the future.   

- khulud خلود





13 December 2013

history of Haifa's last battle - Maisoon's grandmother





















(c) photos by khulud khamis, 2012

This is the history of Haifa's last battle as Maisoon knew it from her grandmother. She didn't read any books on it – no book can contain the grief and pain in her grandmother's voice as she narrated her own history. 

"I was seven… no, maybe eight months pregnant. Seedo was away with the rest of the young men. I don't know what he did exactly, because he refused to carry a weapon. This I know for sure. The night the first barrels were rolled down from Share'a El-Jabal… I remember this night fakat. The Yahud lived up the mountain, and we were down here. I was alone at the house, only with Majid. I heard some screaming outside, and I saw our neighbour Haneen running out – up and up the mountain. I don’t know if she wanted to stop the barrels, or if she ran towards them in desperation. She had six small children in the house. Haneen the majnouni we called her. Her husband was among the first ones to be killed, and she just lost her mind. After that, we never slept at night. She would wail for hours every night. It was like the sound of an animal, more like a howl. I don't think she ever slept. Someone from the church came and tried to take her children. She said she'd take them with her to Lubnan until it was safe to come back. Ya rab! I never saw a mother fight like Haneen for her children. For her house. Haneen's whole world was her family… on that night, she wanted to stop the barrels with her bare body… when I saw her running up, I took little Majid in my arms and ran after her… but Haneen was fast and I was pregnant… or maybe I should have left Majid at home but I couldn't how could I… I knew I would have to pay a price even as I held Majid and ran but it wasn't going to be Majid so I gave up the baby it was still unborn and I had my Majid and I ran and prayed please God don't please God don't please God don't but he did…

"That night the woman from the church came and took all six children. That night I lay down on the kitchen floor and bled. I bled and I looked up and I saw through the window the sky it was red there were sparks flying I thought is there a celebration someone getting married how could they at this time or is the sky bleeding Haneen's death. I didn't understand. I thought I must be losing too much blood to see the sky sparkling like that. That night Seedo didn't come home. And again I prayed please God don't, please God don't, please God don't and he didn't. Seedo came back in the morning after I had bled and I thought his clothes had my blood on them but how could they he wasn't with me to hold my bleeding body it was not my blood Abu Majid what happened and he only looked down at me and my bloody clothes and he laid down next to me and he wept and I wept. The next morning the woman from the church came again and told us there's a ship to take refugees to Lubnan and we could go with Haneen's six children Seedo told her to go away we already lost one and we will not leave our home and I held on to little Majid so tight that he started screaming and the woman saw me with my wild eyes after losing so much blood and Seedo buried the little one in the garden outside and I just couldn't bear leaving her there all alone so we couldn't leave see because of her how could I just leave her in the earth there alone Maisoon do you understand and when Majid was fifteen and came to me demanding his history I told him about this night and he asked me if she had a name I told him yes of course I named her but don't tell Seedo because he doesn't know and he asked what was her name Mama and I told him Maisoon. He gave her back to me when you were born but he made me promise never to tell you this so that you don't carry her history his history our history in your name but Maisoon you came to me and you demanded it and I don't have the right to take this with me to the grave. Majid will understand one day why he will be angry with me so please don't tell him you know until after I am underneath way under deep there with my Maisoon."

- edited from Haifa Fragments, novel, khulud khamis, 2013






another note on belonging

the meaning of belonging
this constant search, need, thirst for – recognition, legitimization, most seek.
Incongruence here.
Boundaries of belonging –
For me are:
liquid *** ever-changing *** soft *** flexible *** non-existent *** existent *** real *** fabricated *** illusionary *** slippery *** elusive *** not definable *** incongruent.


- khulud خلود

7 December 2013

Christmasing

Oh, it begins. The happy, perfect families Christmasing videos and photos on my Facebook newsfeed. Not that I have anything against it –
But.
So you’re nearing forty
Spent most of your twenties building a career
Most of your thirties building a nice family –
You know – the whole works:
A nice house with a garden
Two kids – preferably a boy and a girl.
Your wife’s most important attributes to you –
Her beauty, housekeeping abilities, and exquisite taste in fashion.
So why not parade your happy, perfect family Christmasing on Facebook?
But.
Somewhere – along the way,
Something snapped.
Something went wrong.
You followed all the rest.
Because that’s how things are done
And this is how you’re supposed to live your life.
So –
Why is that spark in your eyes extinguished?
Why can I see a smile on your lips,
But

Not in your eyes?
- khulud خلود

30 November 2013

Against the Prawer Plan برافر لن يمر


Some photos I took from the demonstration in Haifa this evening against the Prawer Plan.

Demonstration against the Prawer Plan - photos by khulud khamis

Needless to say, the police came prepared and they got violent.

Facebook pages against the Prawer Plan:
Prawer won't Pass Campaign - International Page

More useful links: article on the US Palestinian Community Network website

Adalah website: Demolition and Eviction of Bedouin Citizens of Israel in the Naqab (Negev) - The Prawer Plan

Discriminatory Prawer Plan to evict tens of thousands of Bedouins from their communities in the Negev - article on the website of the European Coordination of Committees and Associations for Palestine.

Prawer Plan: Facts and Figures - From the Prawer Won't Pass Campaign Blog

Video: Unrecognized Bedouin Villages in the Negev

This is just a sample of the plethora of information on the web.